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Childfree Bulls***

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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2006|03:08 pm]
Childfree Bulls***
I am doing this backwards.

I was walking in the mall with my boyfriend. He gave me a quick poke and I yelped and someone passed by us, giving us a funny look.

So I was walking with my boyfriend, hand in hand, at the mall. All of the sudden a freetard comes up to me.

"You insipid fool!" she screamed, "your heterosexual bond is reinforcing society's exploitation of your overies! MOO IN WAITING!"
My boyfriend and I look at eachother, confused as to who this nut is and why is she screaming at us.

"What?" he said in respons, "Huh, wha, er, what?"

"You are forcing your seed onto her so you can control her body and make her suffer," she started again, "you're poisoning our society with your crotch droppings!"

So I roundhouse kicked her in the head and it totally exploded. The security guard was understanding and gave us a $400 mall coupon.
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(no subject) [Oct. 29th, 2006|01:45 am]
Childfree Bulls***

[Current Mood |amusedamused]

We have to get this guy over here. He'd liven this place up for sure!

P.S. For added amusement, check out his journal, but make sure you have swallowed any beverage you might be consuming beforehand. It's a choking hazard.
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2006|08:19 pm]
Childfree Bulls***

So, the other day I was at the children’s hospital, as I am one year underage and still fit the criteria, and it being the best hospital in my area. I was seated, waiting for the little buzzer they handed out to go off so I would know the doctor was ready. There was a lady with a baby near me that I talked to for a while, her baby had to go to the same ward I did. Its top lip was going up, and the doctor was going to fix it. She got buzzed in and left to see the doctor.

Now, through the eyes of CF

I was in this hospital, and there were crotch dropping EVERYWHERE!! I couldn't go to a hospital with rules against those overgrown qeefs BY LAW! Even though 17 is totally an adult, they think it's old enough to make more babies! Last time I had gone to the doctor, they had gassed me and shoved 20 fetuses into my ovaries! Luckily, I woke up and performed an abortion on myself with the now-dead doctors’ knife. And when I got in...there were whales! Giraffes! Toy blocks! It was all I could not to take them and shove them up the moos vaginas, to keep them from letting their duhs stick their babyshooting guns up there. I sat down as far away from the noise as I could, praying that the huge plastic whale hanging from the ceiling would fall and squish them all. When this HUGEASS MOO starts walking up to me. I try to tell her to get her fattass and her brokenmouthed demi-human away from me BUT SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN! SHE KEPT YAMMERING ON ABOUT HER BAAAYBEEE! I thought I got relief when she got buzzed and let in. That’s when I realized something. Lots of the cretins had been in too see the doctor while I was waiting, none that had arrived after me, but I'm sure they were next. Its then that I knew what was going on. The doctors were leaving me to DIE OUT HERE BECAUSE I REFUSE TO BE PART OF THEIR OVERPOPUGANDA! I did the only thing I could; I immediately grabbed the baby, and then stole its buzzer. The moo started to protest when I immediately karate kicked her hellhole! I did it in such away she can't ever pollute the world again!!!

Some of the brats started crying, but I remedied that by ripping the hospital gowns off their weak and diseased frames, then took off my belt and proceeded to whip THEIR genetalia, preventing them from making the same mistakes their parents made! I stood up on the nurses’ desk, and spread the news! The news that it was better to never have children! My speech was so moving, all the moos and duhs applauded me! Immediately taking their sproglets out of the hospital, letting them die naturally!
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Back from vacation [Jun. 27th, 2006|09:06 am]
Childfree Bulls***

It was awful. From the moment I got to the airport, I was surrounded by nothing but crotchdroppings left, right, and center. It was like that for the whole weekend -- everywhere I went, everything I visited, every local attraction I tried to enjoy -- kids! Everywhere!

On the last day, there was even a woman sitting across from me who had the gall to breastfeed an actual baby! I mean, she covered him with a blanket, but I knew what she was doing, even if I couldn't see it. I do not go on vacation to be forced to watch such blatant displays of wanton sexuality.

I may never go back there.Collapse )
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The Active Ingredient [Apr. 18th, 2006|10:39 pm]
Childfree Bulls***

Okay, so last night I was working in this large coffee shop that starts with "Star" and ends in something that if we changed the first letter to "F" it would be a bad word. Anyway, it was getting close to eleven pm and we hears this horrible shrieking sound coming from outside.
cut for swear words and rampant stupidity, clicky clicky, ya know ya wanna!Collapse )

The blissful silence was marred only by the lingering stench of Moo.
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(no subject) [Apr. 11th, 2006|08:31 pm]
Childfree Bulls***

It's quiet.... too quiet....

Therefore, I shall regale you with another tale of childfree woe.Collapse )
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(no subject) [Mar. 15th, 2006|09:18 pm]
Childfree Bulls***

Dear childfree_bs Letters,

I'm a childfree student at a small midwestern college, and I never thought I'd be writing this. I always thought that these stories of cuntnuggets and their breeders were total exaggerations, but boy, was I wrong!

I was walking across campus last spring, my perky 34Ds bouncing unfettered beneath my thin, tight t-shirt. I had been going a bit fast, bringing a slight sheen of sweat across my upper lip, and causing moisture to trickle down the warm crevice of my cleavage. My lithe, tanned legs moved quickly under my mini-skirt, as I was about to be late for my private tutoring lesson in human sexuality. My tutor, Dr. Rod Cannon, had a teaching style that was intimate and thorough. I enjoyed every moment of our sessions together. However, I longed for "more", and made my interest plain. So far, he had failed to pick up on my little hints, but I knew it was only a matter of time before he realized that my constant lack of underwear was a special message meant just for him.

As I approached the psychology building, my scholarly thoughts were broken by a most annoying sound emanating from its ivy-covered walls: the sound of a crotchdropping screaming at the top of its lungs! I recoiled in horror, but forced myself to go on. Chances are, it was only an echo from the parking lot nearby. However, as I entered the building, the sound of rugrat shrieks grew louder and louder, and my nausea and dismay grew along with them. My heart started to pound, and my breasts to heave, my nipples straining against my thin, tight t-shirt as I struggled to control my breathing. I approached the door to Dr. Cannon's office, thighs trembling. My tongue darted out to moisten my parched lips. My taut buttocks ached in fear. The sound was coming from the room!

Taking a deep breath; a movement which threatened to shred the tissue of my thin, tight t-shirt with the swelling of my breasts, I pushed open the door. There, in the middle of the room, was Dr. Rod Cannon, holding a BABY on his lap, while two other cuntnuggets danced around him, pulling on his tweed jacket.

"Daddy! Daddy!" Snotleigh and Bratleigh screamed. "Daddy!"

DADDY?? I was horrified. My fantasies of academic passion crumbled. Dr. Rod Cannon was...a BREEDER! A duh! A sperm donor! He had semon demons--three of them! He touched them WILLINGLY! And he seemed to like it!

"Hello, Candy," he said. "I'd like you to meet my children."

What the fuck??? I wasn't going to stick around and be insulted like that! Breasts tumbling, I spun around and fled. I ran out of the building, sobbing in disgust, leaving behind my dreams of private, intimate tutoring with "Dr. Duhd, PhD".

I had to drop out of school, of course, and start wearing underwear again. The trauma was of this experience was just too great. My breasts may never recover.

Candy D.
Iowa City, IA
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(no subject) [Mar. 13th, 2006|05:39 pm]
Childfree Bulls***

It has recently come to my attention that this community is seen as "anti-childfree." Nothing could be farther from the truth. After all, I am childfree. I'd be pretty fucking stupid to be prejudiced against my own life choices, eh?

However, I do know that there are far too many lies and exaggerations related in childfree communities about encounters with "breeders", and that these distract from actual prejudices against childfree men and women. It creates an environment where the childfree are encouraged to see anybody with kids as a potential enemy, and makes us all look like raging lunatics (and clumsy liars).

So if you're just here because you think that being childfree is WRONG, then fuck off. You are not welcome here.

If you're here to enjoy and expand on the creativity of those who feel that being "hardcore" is telling wild tales of being attacked in Wal-mart by breeders, or assaulted for your Tamagotchi by killer moos and their hellspawn, then you're definitely in the right place. Stick around and have fun.

But get to the creating, bitches! This ain't no union shop!
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fun with lies [Mar. 13th, 2006|02:06 pm]
Childfree Bulls***

Hey bitches.

In all of the CF rants, it's me who inspires them. I'm the MOO. In all of them. I'll give you the details they leave out.
  • How I piss in their face with my moo juice.
  • How I babystalk every body I meet at the grocery store -- I sometimes spend 36 hours straight at a time at Safeway just so every person in there tells me how kyooooooooot my sproggin is.
  • How I leave 3 strollers in the aisles at the department store. One for my child, one for my purse, and one for my left shoe if I HAPPEN to feel the need to remove it.
  • How I glare at anybody who doesn't acknowledge my child, give my child expensive gifts, or babysit my child at any given moment. Look, we are a SOCIETY, folks..
  • It's your responsibility as being part of SOCIETY that you help me raise my child. IT IS YOUR DUTY GOD DAMN IT.
  • Link5 comments|Leave a comment

    (no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2006|09:44 pm]
    Childfree Bulls***

    Hail and well-met, bullshitters both new and old!

    I've noticed that several of the childfree communities seem to be full of weak fibs and obvious lies lately. Damn. Those gals need some help in the bullshit department, huh? So come on, people: if these two fumbling morons can do it, why can't YOU? After all, here on childfree_bs, you can really let go, and be free of those petty details that hang up the average bald-faced liar.

    So get going! Be rewarded for what you HAVE done (made up a great story), and NOT for something that didn't actually happen. At least, not the way you told it.
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