||[Feb. 12th, 2007|10:15 pm]
|||||Metallica - Wasting My Hate||]|
Wow, this place is quiet. Let's liven things up a bit!
So today I was sitting in my car on a garage forecourt and some teenage boys passed by, tossing a ball of tinfoil between them. One of them did a kind of a skip and a jump move, and in doing so put his hand on my bonnet to get more lift. I was a little annoyed, but there was no damage to the car, so, no big deal, not worth making a fuss over.
But if I were freetarded...
So, I was chilling at the gas station in my brand new Renault Laguna with a custom paint job of pearlescent blue, and a bunch of awesome “street theme” vinyls on the side, getting lots and lots of drooling looks from all the other drivers (sorry boys, this former Baywatch babe is taken!). When all of a sudden, this nasty screeching yard ape runs up, and slams his hand down on MY car! Immediately the paint peeled off due to his revolting childsweat, RUINING my expensive paint job!
Needless to say, I revved my engine and drove straight at the juvenile delinquent, knocking him onto my hood. He hadn’t even the good manners to slide under the wheels – instead he rolled up my windshield, onto my roof, down the rear window and onto the ground behind me. Huge flakes of paint fell off wherever he touched and my vinyls all dissolved. So now I was pissed. I jumped out of the car, pulled out my gun and marched up to him, yelling, “Say your prayers, you little punk! Get on your knees! Execution style!” This caused the failed abortion to shit his pants, which pissed me off even more, so I pistol-whipped him into unconsciousness to teach him a lesson. Christ, why do breeders let their crotchfruit go outside if they’re not potty-trained? Fucking attachment parents. I hate them. Anyway. Now everyone at the gas station is applauding wildly and I’m taking a bow, when suddenly the moother thunders up and starts lowing all over the place. I shoot the bitch out of goddamn principle. Then the duhd makes the scene and starts thanking me for disciplining his bratty semen stain and offing his horrible wife. I blow his balls off to make sure he doesn’t reproduce ever again. Now everyone’s cheering and chanting my name, and five guys offered to pay to have my paint job and vinyl set-up redone. So my ride got pimped and it was all for free! Take that, breeders!
Then I drove home and had amazing sex with my DH Liam and our life partners, Rupert and Theodore. I’m talking amaaaazing sex. Massive sex. Hot, wonderful, fantastic sex. The kind of sex poor dumb breeders certainly AREN’T having. And we didn’t even have to use condoms because hubby is a doctor and he sterilised us all for free. The end.